Where I was emotionally at that time was single, frustrated, and confused. My main questions were:
1. Technology and social media negatively impact how my generation communicates.
2. Why don't men want to date?
3. Does traditional dating exist in my generation?
I was speaking to my friend Bernie about how our generation is so heavily influenced by the media and technology, that it can be a hinderance in regards to in person communication. She stated, "When actually on a date, smart phones might as well have their own seat, as people pay more attention to their phone than their own date." There's just that lack of attention and connection, and we need get to get back to being able to communicate on a functional and personal level comfortably, without hiding behind the keyboard. In a metaphorical sense, worrying about outside elements that have nothing to do with your relationship, can also bring cause to issues, as your focus isn't between you and the person you are with, more so on what OTHER people are thinking about YOUR relationship. Of course in long distance relationships, the use of technology is a great way of staying connected and closing the distance gap between you and your partner. Skype, email, instant messaging, etc. makes distance and separation easier to handle, and actually increases that element of connection between both people.
My family friend Aaron stated:
"Some people might have to grow in several dimensions. For example, a man who wants 'instant gratification' today, may very well be a family man in the future. Question is, do you want to follow a path with that amount of growth? If yes, make the adjustments, define some boundaries, and be patient."
My friend Mario actually had written his own blog post in response to mine. Here's an excerpt:
"I still believe in dating, and good conversation and true compatibility through non-sexual communication. I think it's essential to find that connection, because it is what will keep that relationship afloat when good looks and bedroom antics get old. I do think more mature men care about finding the right match. It is sadly true that us men do mature a bit slower than women do mentally, so good luck finding that maturity in a man under 25-27 years of age, but it exists. Men Still Want to Date."
|Wearing a blazer & jeans from F21, gifted leopard scarf, The Loft snakeskin clutch, Franco Sarto shoes via Marshalls, Old Navy t-shirt|
I've also received feedback via twitter from my blog readers on their relationship experiences...
"Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 5 years now. Only after a year of dating each other, I moved out of town, making our relationship long distance. At first everything was good. But then after a few months of us being separated, things got really hard between us. We started fighting and our trust between each other was not as strong as before. This had been going on for a few more months, until we almost broke up. This scared the s*** out of me because we were friends for so long, and I realized that I can't lose him to distance. So I had a serious talk with him about how I was feeling, and we agreed that long distance shouldn't break something so valuable. We started to communicate more, which led to us trusting again. All in all, my advice is: If you know you really care for someone, work to make it work. Three years has passed since then, and I don't have one regret in my decision." -Nicole
"I wasn't much of a relationship type of guy. Honestly, you could have called me a "player." This all stopped when I met my girlfriend (now fiance) through a friend. We instantly hit it off, becoming close friends within a couple months. Knowing my "bad guy" ways that used to lead me to these "not so good girls," I realized this was something more, and didn't want to mess it all up. I told her about my past and she (thank God) was willing to stick it out. I'm not going to lie, it was NOT easy, but I have to give it to her... Her patience was everything. Seeing her commitment and having her by my side made me want to change for the better. A little over 2 years latter, I decided to ask her THAT question!" -Craig
My last original question, "Does traditional dating exist in our generation?"
A factor could be our current society. Many women (at one point, including myself), questioned if men truly want to date us today because of how we see our parents, who grew up in a generation of young marriage. We are now the same age as our parents were when they got married, so we're wondering why we're not at that point in our lives today. Example: The average age of marriage in the 1970's-1980's was 22-25 years old. Today, it's 28-33 years old. We may have expectations in that regard, as well as the traditional standards of which dating should entail. Opening doors, paying for meals, walking on the street side of the sidewalk... Furthermore, another contribution to slower maturation rates between women and men are the way society raises them. Women are raised first as dainty girls with Barbie and Ken dolls, instilling in them the importance of marriage and finding a husband, dreaming of their wedding day, etc. Men are raised as tough boys to be strong, non-emotional, and to grow up and get a good job. So naturally, women get to that place before men ever have to think about "settling down."
So then I ask Bernie, "So given all these outside factors that play upon a relationship and may potentially destroy a relationship (depending on an individual's sense of stability and knowing oneself)... How do you make a relationship work? How do you save a relationship from breaking? How do you keep a good relationship going?"