May 19, 2011

It's been on my mind...

Dating.  Or lack there of...

I was talking to a few of my girlfriends about this the other day.  Let me start with the general question:

"Why don't men want to date anymore?"

What ever happened to going out on a date, getting to know someone, having good conversation, and finding satisfaction through that?  These guys seem to want instant gratification, and it's like, just because you bought me a plate of pasta and a mojito doesn't mean I owe you anything other than my time!


Which brings me to my next question... Does traditional dating exist in our generation?
A good night kiss used to be a big deal (it still is for me), but I feel like that's labeled as prude today.  Women may feel they have to submit to certain "actions" in order to keep the interest of the guy they are seeing (which is ridiculous), but sometimes is what happens.  But what about the guys that take you out on a date that seem to be decent men?  Are they going a long with this "dating process" and being a "gentleman" in hopes to eventually get in your pants?  Is that always the ultimate goal?

Wearing a Bar III jacket, Flying A dress, Enigma wedges
My eyes are like half closed in all these photos.  I blame allergies!
Does location affect one's mindset when meeting someone they find attractive?  For instance, meeting someone in the club vs. at a family/social gathering, or even a professional setting.  Of course when you're in the club or a bar, everyone's drinking/dancing, juices flowing (lol)... Guys may have expectations of how the night should end... SO I guess if anything, if you go home with a guy from the club, do NOT expect a relationship to blossom out of that!  Clearly!!  As far as meeting someone at a social gathering or professional setting... Is there an unspoken barrier of respect that men will have for you that isn't there at a club or bar type environment?


Furthermore, all the advancements in technology have had a huge influence on how we communicate.  We want to send/receive things in the quickest, fastest way possible at all times.  We spend money for the top of the line, fastest, thinnest, lightweight piece of technology to get what we want, when we want it.  That mentality has crossed over into other aspects of our daily lives, and I feel it is a hinderance to direct person-to-person communication.  If you feel more comfortable texting me than talking to me face to face, you have a problem (lol).


So where am I supposed to meet this gentleman who can speak eloquently (preferably 6'3," abs of steel, corporate, but creative), respectful, kind, funny, a family man?
Do I have high standards?



I know I can't label all men as such, I'm really more focusing on guys in my generation, but I know not all guys in my generation are like the guy I'm describing...

What do you guys think??  Let's discuss this! :)


Peace,

-Kris


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19 comments:

  1. First things first...shoes,dope...accessories, dope. Lol...Although I love the whole outfit...

    Anyways, I think this generation is moving so fast that things are starting to fast forward. This generation is accustomed to instant gratification, and as such, want things like you said "in the fastest way possible".

    Maybe the men you are talking about, are used to women giving them what they want, so in turn they expect every woman to do the same. What some men fail to realize, is that the best women have a greater amount of respect for themself, that would not allow them to succumb to their mere temptations.

    And I hate the posing nice guys who are really trying to get in your pants...btw.

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  2. love the outfit!!! love it. and the polish. what brand/color is it? i want it :)

    i've been with my b/f for a looonnnggg time so i don't really have much insight here. after all these years i still look forward to our dates so i can't imagine paying any mind to a guy who doesn't want to date me. BUT on the other hand, i think b/c i didn't have any expectations when we first met other than to have fun is what really made us work. it was no pressure for either of us and here we are years and years later still having fun!

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  3. I hear you...and it does suck. IMO, most guys these days have very little attention spans, and flicker onto one prospect after another just to satisfy their 'desire.' There's no slowing down, taking time out to ask a person their interests, likes, loves etc. I've met some guys who've straight up come out and say, I'm a nice guy, don't expect too much from me cause I don't have a ton of money....wanna hang? I'm not a prude...far from it, but there are certain elements to relationships, cultivating them, nurturing them for the better & longtime that this generation needs more practice with.

    BTW....love the post & outfit;-)!

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  4. Dating is a loaded topic - I honestly think that as people have grown away from religious institutions, certain values have also accompanied this absence. Kissing is a big deal to me - I'm pregnant, but I only kissed my boyfriend. I'm really picky about that kind of stuff. I don't think it's a lost cause - however, I do think you just have to be that much more selective with who you decide to entertain.

    PS - LOVE this whole look - you are too cute!

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  5. My girlfriends and I talk about this allll the time. I have been dating my bf for a couple years now so I have been a little out of the dating game. But girl no you don't have high standards at all! BTW I loveee your hair...you have to teach me how to do that.

    jen
    http://blankwhiteframes.blogspot.com

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  6. the dress is cute but dont ignore that gold necklace, that is BOLD, love it


    HS

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  7. why she gotta look so good tho? u tryna tell me THIS woman is having trouble finding a good man??? pffft... GET OUTTA HERE!

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  8. you look amazing! love this outfit!

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  9. As I told you earlier, Loved this post. Forgive me if I'm not succinct, early morning and I have lots of thoughts.

    Thought #1
    I've been laughing since the moment I read, "this gentleman who can speak eloquently (preferably 6'3," abs of steel, corporate, but creative), respectful, kind, funny, a family man?" and thought, hey that's me. Except for the abs of steel thing, lost that about 15 years ago.

    Now that my one joke is behind me.

    Thought #2
    I'm not convince your "anymore" description is accurate. Something tells me your feelings were experienced in the generations before you--meaning there are lessons in discussing this subject with trusted mentors.

    Thought #3
    What is a date? I'd argue getting to know someone and having a good conversation are not specific enough. It seems to me, a mentor sitting down in a social setting with a protégé could very well seek both purposes. I think a date, requires a mutual purpose, otherwise its not a date, but a mistake. And as I believe in self-fulfilling prophecy, the challenge surrounds two thoughts:
    1) are you expecting and signaling accurately your intentions and expectations? (through body language, words, facial expressions, or social choices), and
    2) are your defense and coping skills up to par? We all have to be on guard for people who seek to deceive, so it is on us to keep our bullshit detector maintained and up-to-date.

    Thought #4
    As we get to know others, there is a social dance performed with the aim to appropriately escalate the relationship. We grow the level of intimacy, and expand our emotional vulnerabilities. Thus, the back and forth between two people puts the norm of reciprocity into their lives. So things like the location affect on mindset or expectations, or the impact of technology on the quality of interaction really speaks to a form of the back and forth. Thus, I believe people's expectations and goals don't change much day-to-day, but they do adjust their "signals" and steps based on the surroundings.

    In thinking about the goal of a relationship, I suggest it's a common place where both people feel appropriate about the level of intimacy, the emotional vulnerabilities that are exposed, and the status, relative to other people in the social circle, feels right. Thus to get to "beautiful" relationship, is knowing where you want to go, sending both positive and negative signals about the path upon which you will stroll, and removing yourself from "ugly" relationships as fast as possible.

    Thought #5
    Hell no! You do not have high standards. But some people might have to grow into several dimensions. For example, a man who wants "instant gratification" today, may very well be a family man in the future. Question is, do you want follow a path with that amount of growth? If yes, make the adjustments define some boundaries and be patient. If no, like I said, get out of "ugly" relationship ASAP, they prevent you from getting to the next one.

    Love you girl,

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  10. Great blog Kris. So great I had to give a man's response: http://marioevon.tumblr.com/post/5668995149/why-dont-men-date-anymore Thanks for stimulating our minds with poignant questions on relationships. Bless.

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  11. great color scheme, amazing hair, and super cute wedges! The Dating Game is def. a great topic to share opinions on thanks for being so candid :)

    xoxo,
    daisy

    http://imjustdaisy.blogspot.com

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  12. Great look, Loving your hair and smile beautiful as usual :).

    Dating, personally in this upcoming generation at my age is really just a big distraction from molding myself and or future. I try not to think about it too much.

    Thanks for the love.

    http://www.proprpostur.com/

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  13. YOU are beautiful

    http://www.plumpydolly.blogspot.com/

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  14. omg!I had this same conversation with a friend last week.

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  15. I think some women don't even realize they are giving the milk away for free and thats sad. I still have friends that wonder why they dont get boyfriends out of one night stands. My boyfriend is very traditional and he didnt even kiss me for 2 weeks. There are men out there you just gotta stay strong. p.s. I love your hair!!!

    Sophia
    http://lasophialasophia.blogspot.com

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  16. dating is just so confusing sometimes! i love a traditional/respectful man!

    on a fashion note - you are BEAUTIFUL! i love this dress!

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  17. Thank you all for your comments on this post. It's nice to get other people's perspectives!!!!

    -Kris

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  18. I love this look! That first photo of you is gorgeous. This is my first time on you blog...love the outfit posts!

    Check out my blog at http://stylelustpages.com!

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  19. First of all, I am a new follower of your blog! Love your style! :)

    Secondly, you hair is tooo cute! I think I want to copy that hair style soon! ;)

    Thirdly, love the print of that dress and where oh where did you get that necklace?! It;s very unique and fabulous!! :)

    Finally,
    I agree that dating in this generation is such a difficult thing. I also love a traditional, respectful, funny, thoughtful, kind (shall I go on?) type of guy. However, nowadays the values that used to be instilled into our men has diminished significantly. Of course, this does not apply to all men! But, our only hope is that we stumble upon one of those...uhhhh let's see..20% of guys that ARE indeed still traditional gentlemen who are deserving of our attention!
    PS. I don't go clubbing anymore, but if I did, I would definitely NOT want to get someone's phone number there! #notinterested

    ~Toria :)

    www.bonafidestyle.blogspot.com

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twitter: @thekrisbliss

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